sparkindarkness

Cameron has decided that the marriage equality vote, when it happens (if it happens, since the Tory Chief Whip seems to think it’ll never come up for a vote), will be a free vote for the Tories.

That means he won’t be putting out the Whip. Or, every tory is free to vote how they wish without pressure from the party. This is because it’s a matter of “conscience”.

No, Davey boy, it’s a matter of rights. You lose major points there in deciding our rights are a matter for personal conscience. We are due equality, equality is about our status as full citizens. It is not a matter of “conscience” excepting only that denying us rights is unconscionable.

This does not hint at Tory support for our rights. This does not point to the Tories caring about our rights. This does not show the Tories as thinking our rights are important.

And shall we make a prediction? Looking at your party, I still see marriage equality passing – because the Labour, Lib Dems, and sufficient defector Tories will vote for it. But what kind of PR/Gay rights/we’re not homophobes victory is that?

All 3 parties said they’d back marriage equality – but only the Tories (and the coalition mini-mes who re obedient little tools) decided a consultation was needed.


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I know that in various areas of the net there are debates going on about the "dogpiles" you see out there, where all and sundry leapm one someoen for saying the wrong thing. And there are certainly problems with it

But y'know, day in day out I endure arseholes around me saying pig ignorant shit and getting away with it. They saying all this crap and knowing I am going to smile through clenched teeth AGAIN. Every day, hate speech is given a pass, put on a pedestal, given a pat on the back and declared ok. Every day I have to tolerate this shit.

So then, I log on and see yet more arseholes saying the same ignorant shit I've just spend so many hours of so many days of so many months of, well, forever having to endure. And there's a pause followed by the Glorious Beatdown.

And, fuck it, maybe it says something bad about my character, but I revel reading it. After so long of tolerating shit, of being expected to tolerate shit, of people getting away with the most ignorant, vile hate speech and everyone grinning and smiling, at least OCCASIONALLY this bullshit is treated as being out of line. It's relaxing, it's reassuring and damned if it doesn't make me smile even when I'm seething.


That doesn't mean I don't think there are problems with it- from white knighting, to slacktivism, to buzz words without substance (I'm not going to include "lack of opportunities to learn" because a) we don't have a duty to teach and b) sometimes training is better than learning) (I'm also not going to go with tone or emotion for obvious reasons and because I think outraged disgust is sometimes the best response), to ignorant people leaping in when they don't understand, to people doing it just to claim ally cookies they haven't earned. But sometimes, a good scream of rage is wonderfull cathartic.

Yes, it's sadly time for another bad news round up where we remember that homophobia and transphobia are happening and are happening constantly. As ever, I don't pretend to have covered even a fraction of all the incidents that have plagued us - even if I did see them all, which no-one can, I'd never be able to compile them. But gathering so many together in oen place reminds

And it brings it home. I think all of us and GBLT people particularly can get very innured to hate speech. Every day there's another celebrity on twitter, every day another preacher saying something so vile it should never have left his mouth. But it happens over and over again and the hate speech is deemed acceptable in our society.

Well, I bring it together - the words and the consequences and the costs so we can see just how exteme these people are, just how common these people are and just what damage these people do.



Because it matters. Because we matter. And because this shit is not ok. Even if we see it every day. Even if we've been trained to endure it, even if society tells us it's accdeptable. This is not ok.


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So, as I mentioned, Beloved has experimented with home wine making. I thought he’d forgotten about it but apparently that jug of… stuff that has been in my way in the back of a cupboard is actually wine.

Hmmm.

And Beloved wants to try it because it’s ready.

Uh-huh.

Now, I’m actually quite fond of living so I declined to try the questionable liquid, at least until a suitable guinea pig has been found to test it on.

Enter F who, on hearing that there’s potentially lethal free booze on the go, was there so fast she virtually teleported. She also has the super power of hearing a tequila bottle open at 10 miles distance.

So they try it and quickly conclude that it is rather strong (and tastes like fiery battery acid). So strong, in fact, that they wonder if it counts as wine or spirits.

There follows a lively debate on exactly what the difference is. After much discussion they decided that if you throw a lit match in room temperature wine, the match will go out. If you do the same in spirits, the spirits burn. Pleased with this test, they went looking for matches.

It’s at this point I decided it was appropriate to intervene.

And people wonder why I worry about leaving Beloved unsupervised.

There are many things happening on and around this day to try and fight against the evil that is homophobia and transphobia. Their site has a long list of excellent sources.

What I ask on this day is for people to stop. Simply stop.


Stop engaging in homophobia and transphobia

Stop heterosexism and cisexism.

Stop tolerating homophobia and transphobia.

Stop saying we’re less

No matter how minor, if someone says that GBLT people are worth less than straight, cis people, then they need to stop.

We will not make homophobia and transphobia go away simply by concentrating on people who throw bricks at us. Those people do not exist in a vacuum, they do not spring up put of nowhere. They exist because we have encouraged them – every day when we say gay and trans people are less, every day when we make those not-even-funny jokes. Every “no homo”, every “that’s so gay” every casual slur, every little slight; every time there’s another long debate on whether we’re due equal rights, every time another religious leader stands up to explain our sin, every time another leader tell us how wrong we are; and every time you are silent when you hear these, when you see these – this creates the bigots who beat and kill us. This puts the blood on your hands.

The hate does not exist in a vacuum. It is because we, as a society, agree to that hate and encourage that hate. When TV programmes still include vapid gay jokes and stereotypes, but we get outrage at gay kisses before the watershed. When priests explain why we’re not due humanity, when MPs rage and debate whether we’re due equality, when people rise to high office despite an unrelenting record of hatred, when every second of every minute of every hour of every day when we get disparaging slurs and contempt that people will not remove from their language – this is the soil in which hate grows, this is our society’s agreement to hate.

Stop agreeing to homophobia and transphobia. Stop encouraging it. We can’t continue this ridiculous charade of having homophobia and transphobia on every channel, in the pulpit, in the newspapers and in the Commons and then turn round in shock that another GBLT person has been kicked out by their parents, has committed suicide, has been hunted down in the street and beaten and burned and killed. We can’t cry the crocodile tears and say how horrible it is when every other day of the year we cheer lead for it.

Stop homophobia and transphobia. Stop it – don’t do it, don’t encourage it, don’t tolerate it.

There. Are. No. Women. Here. No Wives. No women.

I'm almost getting used to these snide little notes and religious pamphlets, they're all going into a nice little box, dated, but it's amazing what you can get used to if it gets repeated. CCTV hasn't done much because outside out house is a path tha's technically ours but is a short cut for half the street, charity bag deliverers, postmen, flier deliveries etc and since we've never made a thing about keeping people off our path (it's not a right of way but, really, it's no skin off our nose whether people use it or not and it is a pretty huge short cut) but it means finding who posts these notes, sticks them on the door, on cars, etc annoying.

Someone has keyed my new car though - could be a passing accident but hmmmmmm. Not Impressed.

But what bewilders me about these notes is the number of "think of your wives" "do these women deserve this?" "You are betraying these women" etc etc yada yada

What wives? The other hateful foolishness I get - but what's all this lamenting over fictional women?

I suppose expecting sense from this person is a bit ridiculous in and of itself

Beloved’s work place has started giving him grey hairs (which is normally what my job does) but with all the marriage equality in the news, he’s treated to daily debates on whether or not “the gays” need marriage/want marriage which is apparently raging fiercely across the work place. He’s the only gay person in the place and his work mates are oh-so-surprised that his extremely patient and affable nature has snapped and he is dragging arses on the carpet for presuming to know what “the gays” want and why, in the name of all that is sensible, do they even give a damn one way or the other since it doesn’t concern them.

His colleagues don’t understand why he’s getting ever more pissed off at them. Because it’s fun to have a bunch of straight folks judge the merits and worthiness of your relationship, right? Let alone getting to enjoy it every damn day.

In general, I think my Beloved is approaching a burn out similar to the ones I have regularly (albeit more stably because, well, Beloved’s brain isn’t full of the badness). His work place has less of the splodey issues as mine and he’s never had the closeness with his family to make them sporky nor has he had a past on the level of mine – but his work place is hardly friendly, his family not exactly warm and his past hardly rosy. He also has a wider circle of friends that, frankly, I would have cut loose (or cut into teeny tiny pieces) long since, one of the barriers to us going out more is any circle of his friends is going to include some friends or acquaintances that will make us both want to slap them before the night is out.

Besides, even if all of these were super shiny, it’s just impossible to duck all of the shit that’s out there. Yes, inset my bitter rant at how much living in a straight world is unpleasant on so many levels. I think it drags us all down now and then. I think Beloved has been brewing this one up for a while – it certainly explains him deciding, after years of being a fan to dump his anime (though I’ve moved it into storage in case he wants to come back to it) with a rant about how he’s sick to the back teeth of dodging round any gay representation because of the trainwrecks.

I’m hoping to batten down the hatches, have a straight-free home for a little while, keep the TV off and engage in some quality hermitting. Quality alone time together to rebuild and recharge. Especially if I can poke him to take some days off away from the “hey, are gay folk really human” debates.

And I’m cooking and baking up a storm – yes good food doesn’t cure everything but at least you can be upset and hurt with bacon, chocolate and lots of cake and stuff that is very not good for you. Actually toasted things seem to be the favour of the day – so teacakes, muffins, crumpets, pikelets and bagels ahoy! I need to stock more yeast.

I have received innumerable emails asking me if I’ve heard that Obama has (finally) agreed with marriage equality (I won’t say endorsed, as I’ll explain later). After waiting a day for everyone to get their squee on, I’m going to comment because people are wondering if it will be part of a “good news” post to balance the bad ones.

Take a deep breath guys, because Sparky’s about to unleash the Debbie Downer of Doom.

First and foremost I do not now nor ever will consider a straight person acknowledging that I’m actually a human being deserving of rights to be “good news” or otherwise praiseworthy. This is a basic standard of acceptable behaviour. Someone who doesn’t meet it is to be condemned, but people who achieve this bare minimum of basic humanity doesn’t get cookies for it. You don’t get praise from me for acknowledging my humanity. Acknowledging my humanity isn’t an achievement or a great task or astonishing discovery.

So don’t expect me to sing the praises of anyone who makes a speech saying gay people deserve equal rights, no matter who they are. I value myself too highly to do so.

But we also have to consider 4 years.

4 years. It took the man 4 years to decide that GBLT people deserve equal rights. It took him 4 years to “evolve” to the point of finally acknowledging GBLT people were equal to him. It took him 4 years and conveniently waiting until AFTER the vote in North Carolina (ugh, human rights going up for a vote is always so very wrong) to say something – and that after Biden delicately tested the water with a “plausible deniability” gaffe first. That’s 4 years telling everyone what a struggle it is to acknowledge GBLT people are people too.

And his language is far less than ideal. Now Eumelia explains this perfectly so I’m just going to link to their post. But basically, his framing is that equality is something we had to earn. He mentions the soldiers and the people he met who he decided where good and productive couples. GBLT people had to meet his standards of acceptability before he finally decided to concede that we have earned equality.

Equality is not a prize to be earned. Equality is not a gift given. Equality is a debt that is owed. Equality is justice denied. We don’t have to play nice, play by the rules and convince straight folks that we’re WORTHY of being considered as good as them.

I also don’t praise people in positions of power for saying something without steps laid out how they’re going to fix it. Platitudes are fine from the powerless, not from the guy holding the reigns. By all means state their position, this is good – in fact, it’s bad when they don’t (or if they spend 4 years EVOLVING on the issue) but you get praise for reaching the end of the path, not stepping your feet on the beginning.

Furthermore, the wording and endorsement of state’s rights here is highly problematic. It suggests that Obama doesn’t see GBLT equality as on par with other marginalised groups’ human rights. Frankly, state by state is the same argument used by the hate groups and isn’t how a human right should be treated.

I also think that this has proved, if nothing else, how important it is to be cynical and keep demanding more. Obama didn’t wake up one morning and decide “hey, marriage equality! Totally cool!” No, it took 4 years of cajoling, nagging, poking, prodding, screaming, yelling, threatening, begging, roaring and generally kicking up a fuss. Clearly, this is what it takes – so don’t stop now.

There’s also something to be said at how easily GBLT affection and praise can be bought.

I think that the GBLT community in general has had a lot of negativity thrown at us. For unrelenting centuries, pain, hatred and contempt have been the order of the day. We often have little in the way of support networks from a young age since so many of us are born into hostile families and very few of us are born into families with people who share our own marginalisation. Hearing nothing but bad things about us is the norm.


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So, rather predictably, the local elections happened and the Tories were left whimpering and the Lib Dems weeping (the Lib Dems now have less councillors than they’ve ever had since their founding).

In the aftermath everyone is, of course, asking whyyyy this happened! Why oh whyyyy did the Tories and the Lib Dems get so pummelled? Well, the answer’s simple – it was THE GAYS!!!!!

Wait, what?

Yes, us gay folks. Now, personally I’d be ecstatic if I had the power to decimate the Tories and their mini-mes but, if I did have such power they’d be even more damaged than they are now so I’m personally a little doubtful. But according to Nadine Dorries, Tory MP, Cameron hater (and it depresses me that I also hate Cameron because while he deserves to be hated, it puts me in the deeply unpleasant position of agreeing with Nadine Dorries) because of the weak Tory “consultation” about marriage equality, the electorate abandoned the Tories! Yes, it’s all about us gay folks – and Lords reform! So say David Davis (who believes that marriage equality is London politics – see, gay people only live in London, y’know)

So the electorate, outraged over gay people getting equality and the House of Lords getting democracy, decided to stop voting for the Tories and vote for… Labour? A party that also supports equal marriage? And they left the Lib Dems despite them always supporting equal marriage?

No, they say, Osbourne should focus more on the economy! More Tory economy! That will please the voters – more Tory budgets, more Tory economic policy, more focus on what matters. And Osbourne seems to be buying it – promising 100% focus on the economy!


To which I wonder what they think they have been focused on? Because marriage equality and Lords reform? Have just been words. They’ve done nothing, it’s been words and window dressing


But the economy? Well there’s the last budget – with the granny tax and the pasty tax and, of course, a great big tax cut to the richest in the country. There have been brutal benefits cuts across the country that have left so many worse off. Local councils are being strangled which, in turn, means more cuts to essential services. We have the tuition fees debacle. We have VAT being raised, the most regressive tax, ensuring the biggest burden falls on the poorest (and despite supposed opposition from the Lib Dems). We have bankers – of government owned banks – being offered nearly million pound bonuses.

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