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Beloved is a wonderfully intelligent man.
It’s important to remember that. He is well regarded in his profession for his ability to do things to computers that should be illegal and make me wonder if he is cheating on me with a PC. His abilities with maths give me a migraine trying to follow them. He is practical on a level I can never grasp, able to take broken appliances, technology, ANYTHING, tinker with them for a few minutes and make them work again (of course, he’d never USE them again because they’re OBSOLETE and he needs the newest model shredder. Gods forbid we have an OUTDATED paper cutter!)

Sooooo when he does something stupid my violent reaction is totally justified, right? Because he must be doing it on purpose. To torture me. Clearly.

So I go hunting in the freezer for dinner - defrost a corpse for the tasty nummy meat within. I worry a little because Beloved packed the freezer and his labels require... creative interpretations at times. But no, every label looks right, everything looks fine until... I find the MINCE.

Yes, lean beef MINCE. He has happily labelled it, correctly and clearly.

All 5lbs of it.

In one bag.

ONE bag.

So, I have 2 questions I need people to answer for me.

1) Exactly what, in the name of all that is holy, am I supposed to do with many many meals worth of meat frozen into one huge lump?

2) Would I be justified in heaving the giant mass of meat at his head?

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He was merely planning on a large gesture of philanthropy sometime in the future. Large stew pot to feed the masses. *nods*

Hmmmm whyyyy do I not believe this?

my hubby has done the exact same thing, I went ahead and cooked it all off then repackaged it into meal size packets for casseroles and things of that sort.

And did you punish him severely?

1. In three steps:

You drop it on the floor and/or use a hammer to fragment it into smaller pieces.

You defrost a pound or two.



2. Yes, but don't. Those of us out here for whom you two are our OTP would mourn and be unhappy.

Step 1 is declared a bad idewa on account of mess and because Beloved likes the idea :)

Welll I shall have to find some other way to punish him

Sounds like a good excuse to have a bunch of people over. :-)

come! I have meat come and eat it alll!

I am totally making invites that say that

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Not the head. You might damage his ability to remember Why This Was Wrong. Try a foot or two.

I think your people call it a hedgehog. In America, it's a meatloaf.

Very useful. Once it is baked into the loaf (with tons of seasonings & aromatics & sauce & egg & moistened bread) it can be sliced for sandwiches or reheated until you can't stand it.

Also, a meatloaf freezes nicely. Though with five pounds of mince I'd make a couple of them because I'd add a different kind of mince. I do beef & pork.

Last time the sauce I made both to mix with the mixture before baking & to pour on top was a proper Indian ketchup. YUMMY.

Failing that, you can do what they did in that old mystery story; smack Beloved upside the head with five pounds of frozen mince then eat the evidence.

I has made some into a meat loaf, but being overrun with it would be maddening. But most mincy type food freezes well it seems at least

Chili. Then freeze the cooked chili. Or the meatloaf suggestion works. Basically, take (OMG) five pounds of raw meat. Transform into smaller chunks. Freeze chunks.


But moan all the way through doing it, so Beloved doesn't do it again :o)

Sounds like what my kiddo did with ten pounds of shredded chicken. I discovered if you drop the package from a decent hight it will fracture into several pieces. It will also break tile so be careful what you drop it

I must weigh in as stating that hitting anything with that large a quantity of frozen meat is a BAD THING. This includes cast iron and those individuals who have cast iron heads.

In your situation, I'd figure out a couple-three of meat-heavy recipes that freeze well (meatloaf, tamale pie, chili, stew) that I like, shop for all the necessary ingredients, and do a major cooking-fest with the giant wad o' meat. Then freeze portions of the results for future eating.

Tamale pie/mexican pie/oh-shit-it's-delicious-chilie-flavored-meat-covered-in-cornbread pie can be frozen unbaked in the baking tin. However, you'll probably want to thaw it overnight in the fridge before baking as otherwise the crust burns before the inside thaws. Still, tasty use of meat. (requires cornmeal, copious spices, fresh or canned chilies, corn, beans, and more spices; something-approximating-a-recipe available on request).

But ballistic meat is funny!

I've cooked up a load of mince and am splitting it into all the many dishes which all freeze quite nice

Tamale pie I shall have to try :) All of them we have :)

Torture him by sending him this link

If he buys it use the meat on it.

Man Meat

Cook up 5-10 lbs of ground meat (a variety of many meats is also nice). Get it cooked through, use a couple onions, lot of garlic, and some salt & pepper. Don't drain the fat too much. Store it in a big tub in the fridge (Or repackage and freeze). Whenever you want a meal, you take a couple scoops, put your ethnic seasoning on, and eat it. So if you're in the mood for Mexican, put some hot sauce and some fajita seasoning on, heat it up, and you're good to go. Italian? Throw it in some spaghetti sauce with herbs or spices and it's good to go. Throw on a covering of cheese, nuke it, top with salsa, sour cream and have dip. Basically, "pile of meat" on demand. As an added bonus, it cuts down on total cooking time.

Now for the interesting part, and a neat trick for cooking large amounts of ground meat.

For your beloved's sake, don't kill him with the mince. Instead make him come up with ideas for dinner that use meat. It is one thing to appreciate his thoughtfulness... But it does not mean that his lack of thinking is useful. I'd settle for asking why a five pound package of frozen meat sounded like a good idea at the time, and what he thought would happen with it. Of course a few passive-aggressive postit notes scattered about... well those usually fail to change behaviors, but they are somewhat vindictively satisfying. Along with making a delightful snack or meal and not sharing.

Lastly, to make life easier with that amount of ground flesh, toss the meat in a large pot, and add also 10 - 12 oz water with the intent to boil the mince. Add water sparingly as needed until the mince is fully cooked. I have found this creates the perfect beef crumbles, and one can either drain the water or continue heating the mess until the water has removed itself from the pot (Another benefit to boiling the meat: the cooked crumbles can later be browned to whatever degree desired with minimal effort). I will warn you, it looks rather nasty in the rawer stages, but the finished product is quite lovely.

I'm seconding the big defrost and then spending an afternoon cooking something like bolognese which you can refreeze.

I will point out that I have perhaps done the same thing before. Not necessarily with 5lbs worth, but it has been known to happen.


This is what i've ended up doing

You did? Were you punished severely for it? :P


I think you resent your guy because generally, he is smarter than you and that pisses you off. When he does something STUPID like freezing 5 lbs. of meat in one container, you automatically think he did it on purpose just to piss you off.
Why are you still with him, or better yet, why is he still with you? If you are so unhappy, LEAVE. DOn't force us to listen to the problems caused by your bad decision making.

I has a troll! *pokes it*

Be warned, I may force you to listen to more of my problems by posting about them in my own journal! Amazing, atrocious! Truly I am without shame or restraint!

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