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Hmmm who wants turkey?
Beloved and I do a lot of our shopping at the local(ish) indoor market

This is a bonus because I am still on my "stop screwing with my food!" kink and you can't beat this place for that - fruit and veg and meat in as little packaging as possible with as little added as possible. No dyes and artificial flavourings and preservatives and other random crap they try to poison us with constantly. Not the meat market - corpses, freshly served. Nothing added but dead animal. Nom.

Even better, not only is it high quality meat unmessed with - but it's cheap. Especially come the end of the day and they're selling off their stock. Of course, there are drawbacks - especially if Beloved is left unattended.

Beloved: Look what I got in the meat auction! (not really an auction, more the butcher yelling "who'll give me £10 for this?" and then lost of people racing forwards to get the corpse) *staggers a little*
Me: *boggles* You killed Big Bird.
Beloved: It's a turkey
Me: It's an ostriche! How big is that thing?
Beloved: 22lb I think...
Me: *boggles again*. Are you expecting a REGIMENT to visit? What are we going to do with 22lbs of turkey?!
Beloved: Well you never know when your family's visiting.
Me: We'll have to invite the whole town to eat the damned thing. What possessed you?
Beloved: It was £5
Me: *boggles yet again* And 3 boggles are really my limit

So, we have a TURKEY. It is staring at me. Daring me to cook it in all its majestic splendour. The oven is afraid. Very afraid. It's going to take a damn site more than a fan assist to cook THIS Sesame Street retiree.

Still £5 for 22lb turkey? You can't go wrong with that. But this shows how utterly NOT domestic Beloved has. Household of 2 people? SHOULD NOT BUY 22 lb TURKIES!

That is amazing. I hope turkey freezes well.

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But about the first 1lb I'm totally in the "aargh not more turkey" school. I need a plan of attack

Joint it & freeze the bits you aren't cooking right now. It's just like jointing a chicken, only, er...

...well, bigger. More sort of heavy-duty. Might need power-tools.

Power tools!

Oooh this is going to be fun. And messy

Luckily turkey freezes well. Cook it, eat what you want, freeze the rest for soups, stews and casseroles.

Although even then, I might wind up tossing a few bits of turkey. That's LOT of turkey.

We have a regimented regime to tackle this bird! We will not be defeated

Mmmmmmmmmmm..... roast turkey sandwiches! Yum!!!!!

But there's a limit, surely?

I had a similar issue with Fish.

My eldest daughter wanted to go fishing. I took her to a stocked trout pond that had a "no return" policy (although they weren't watching and would be hard pressed to stop me, I am an honorable man).

Apparently they starved the fish, because we couldn't go 15 seconds without catching one. I convinced my girl that she would enjoy the paddle boats more but the damage was done. I called my wife.

Me: "Dear. We caught a lot of fish. I'm not sure how we are going to handle it."

Wife: "How much fish do you have?"

Me: "About 15 lbs."

Wife: "I'm calling my mother."

We ate fish for about 2 weeks.

Now if it were fish I'd have no problem. I can eat fish forever!

Roast the whole bloody thing and invite your neighbours!

"Hello, I'm Sparky and this is Beloved. We live there." [you point]
"We found a 10kg turkey for £5. Would you like to help us eat the thing?"


22 lbs turkey ? make things like turkey & dumplings, turkey sandwiches, turkey salad sandwiches, Mole, Turkey tetrazini & use the bones to make soup

5 GBP = $6.94 USD ?
thats a DAMN good deal

Damn the pound is low. Ouch

Yes, about that. And yes, it's very very very cheap

wonders if they have a Butterball turkey helpline over where Sparky lives, as they may have more ideas

turkey helpline lol?

Don#'t y'all jsut deep fry it. With brittle. Not sure what brittle is but you probably do :P

Turkey does freeze well both uncooked and cooked. So there's that. At least you'll have plenty of meat for a long, long time. I foresee much turkey stew, sandwiches, casserole, etc in your future.

That is one bonus, it keeps fiorever. And we can cook many duifferent things with it

I'm thinking we can get a week's worth of meals from this.

Now you need to find cranberries somewhere for Cranberry Chutney. Turkey sandwhiches with spicy-jalapeno-cranberry chutney? Yes please, I'll take two.

I have cranberries :) but I like pickles

Section it and freeze the parts. You could get at least four different meals from the joints and you could make stock/soup from the carcass. I'd do it for you but I live a bit away.

You might be able to find instructions if you google it. I wish I could find turkeys for a fiver, of any size!

This is point one on the plan of attack! Hack it into poieces MUAHAHAH!

what do you mean, it has a 2 in it so should be fine for 2 people. In fact it has two 2s in it, so should be doubley ok for two people, right?

dude. turkey. give us like, seven hours and we'll be there to help you eat it!

[also: dear stone's speech patterns: gtfo of my comments!]

Lol, I can totally see that. Bring the whole of clan Gaffney, we bought extra veggies too!

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You know he's gtoing to look for one now. Yes yes he is

I have a chest freezer. for 2 people. this says all you need to know


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